[Hey, fool, guess what? Remember all those chocolates you saw Reimi making? WELL IT TURNS OUT SHE MADE SOME AT HER FRIEND HARU'S HOUSE TOO THAT YOU DIDN'T SEE.
Come the morning of February 14th, there they sit, arranged neatly on a little plate and left on Rohan's drawing table, carefully out of reach of Arnold or the cat.]
It's really okay. It's busy, but not overwhelming. It's okay if you're not here; just looking forward to seeing you when I get home will be more than enough to get me through.
[ Rohan is a careful perfectionist in everything that he does. Or at least he really tries to be. But in this is something he knows very little about. He'd heard passing conversations when he lived in Tokyo. He'd seen things like this in pop culture. And, he'd talked and watched people around the city while here. But, it was not something, he learned - that would work for everyone.
So. Rohan was mostly on his own. He'd use what he did know and apply it. He was able to do that. Be creative, right?
Reimi will come home to everything out and ready. He's busying himself around the kitchen making food. There's the same sort of intense focus that she'd see when he's doing anything else that he does. On the counter, there's a vase with flowers. He had talked, getting as much information as he could on the flowers from the girl there, and with his own information he'd gathered and hers - he put together something he liked. Next to it is a neatly wrapped gift (the manga, put together into a book - which is nothing short of what others may describe as a love letter - his research, questions, and revelations all there - after all, his asking questions had to be good for something).
The food he was preparing was udon and gyoza. Easy enough for him to put together. He had kept the toppings off to the side - meat, fish cakes, green onion. He had a recipe on his phone that he was meticulously following. Arnold was sitting just outside of the kitchen (perfectly behaved, and maybe a little distracted with a treat), while the Stinky Bastard Man (pending a better name, Rohan notes) was weaving around his feet. Rohan was mostly convinced the cat was trying to make him trip and fall. ]
[It's really sort of incredible, coming home to the apartment in the state that it's in that night. It's already sort of special to be coming home to a place she thinks of as "home" to begin with; even after months of the same, she still hasn't quite shaken off the years of habitual loneliness that had preceded this stay in outer space. It would have been enough to come home to light and warmth, even if Rohan had only been sitting on the couch reading or working at his desk, completely oblivious to her return.
But he isn't. He's clearly in the kitchen cooking, and the whole apartment smells rich with dinner close to being done. Arnold is supervising attentively, which in and of itself is adorable, and she has her suspicions that the cat is likewise somewhere nearby, if only because he never much likes being far away from Rohan — sweet, clingy thing that he is.
Then she sees the flowers, and the whole world seems to tip a little bit sideways.
She'd told him that one time, hadn't she, when she'd been showing him her grandmother's necklace — she likes sentimental things, keepsake things, things with meaning behind them. It really doesn't get much more significant than flowers, does it? There's no purpose to them whatsoever, except to look beautiful and delight the person they're gifted to. There's no possible reason Rohan could've gotten them, except...
Ah. Except to make her happy.
She bites her lip, reaching up to rub lightly at her eyes as the weight of it all finally bears down on her. It'd been such a long, bustling, busy day of watching other people share romantic interludes, hosting couples wrapped up in each other to make their holiday special while she put her own on hold.
Rohan got her flowers.
Someone was thinking of her today, after all.]
Hey...I'm home...
[She rubs at her eyes again, still a little messy emotionally, but smiling a bit like an idiot.]
[ Her entrance hadn't pulled him from his focus of a nearly completed dinner. The last thing - the udon noodles, were just finishing. Of course his timing had been impeccable. She truly hadn't delayed coming home, either (just as she said). Her voice snaps him out of it, though. He shifts just slightly turning his head to look at her. She's smiling and he commits it to memory because he knows he will probably want to draw it later.
His mouth goes dry, his heart jumps into his throat, and he doesn't speak for a few moments. Everything he says is considered carefully before he speaks. He'll say what he would typically say, any day that he's home and she returns after day at work. Even though he's clearly made a slight show of it - given that he rarely cooks, and there's flowers that wouldn't be there otherwise. ]
Reimi-chan. It's almost done.
[ It keeps him from stumbling to just speak so simply. Of course he has thought of her today. It's not simply because her life was so neatly weaved into his own before they had arrived here, it was because it was now. And, Rohan's continued efforts allowed him to see things a little bit differently, about things that he never had much cared about - birthdays, Christmas, Valentine's Day (pretty much any holiday) - he went without celebrating on his own, especially as long as he had lived on his own. He rarely cared for, or even considered, another's feelings, but it mattered to him how she felt about this.
He's watching her for a moment - oh. ]
You can sit if you want.
[ It was along day, after all. She had told him how busy it was. And it isn't like it'd be hard for him to put together a bowl for her. He was mostly glad just to have her home, which sometimes was strange for him to think about - her staying here with him. For all of his years living alone, something about this was much better. It's not that he had ever been lonely before. And it's not as if he thought he'd be able to let anyone else into his home so easily.
But that was how he knew how much he cared about her - she was the exception, not the rule. ]
Yeah...thanks, my feet really hurt from standing up all day. I was running around everywhere, it felt like...
[She toes off her shoes, leaving them by the door as she pads over to the table in her stocking feet and finds a place to sit down. It's immediately apparent how grateful she is to be off her feet, once she's seated; her whole body seems to deflate with a sigh, and even as she slumps down, her eyes begin to droop.]
You're really gonna wait on me, huh? Très bien, garçon!
[ He moves to get down a couple of bowls, starting to scoop some of the udon into them first, then he adds the broth. ]
Don't get too used to it. [ He's trying to act like he totally wouldn't do it again. But, if she asked, he'd probably do this anytime, all the time. Up to and including the cooking. Which he didn't much do before getting here, and he still followed the recommendations of those more skilled than himself. That's a surprising revelation. He pauses in the middle of adding some toppings, and he shifts, grabbing the wrapped book and offering it to her. Maybe in a hope to let her know so there's no misconceptions for how he feels. Why he's doing this. Why he wants her to be happy.
And besides, the udon is too hot to eat right now, so they have a few moments. ]
Reimi-chan. Can I tell you something before we eat?
[She'd noticed the wrapped gift before, when she'd first walked in, but the truth is she hadn't really thought much of it before now. But when Rohan offers it to her, she takes it without protest, just sort of holding it a minute while she listens to him. It's too solid and heavy to be candy, she thinks. And it's definitely not more flowers. It's the wrong shape for jewelry...
So what, then? She better hear out Rohan first, and find out.]
[ Rohan doesn't get nervous, not really. If only because he's not really cared about how people felt about him. But, he does care. Maybe that's why? Why is Reimi so often the exception? He's trying to hide the slightest bit that hits him. Maintains that almost indifferent look for a few moments before he organizes the words he's said again and again as he cooked in the kitchen earlier that day.
As he does everything, he has to do it right. And, he knows he can't keep dodging this. And he knows it's okay to be a little selfish. And he is glad that he spoke about this with someone, but someone he trusted was even better. And, he gave himself a month to sort this out. That time was closing in on him. ]
It's important to me that you know.
[ Okay - ]
And know that I am only saying this because I want you to know, and that you don't have to say or do anything. I don't expect anything.
[ And, without hesitation. He adds. ]
But. [ He pauses, it's brief, and he speaks confidently. As if he is fully sure about these words. ]
The thing is, she's not oblivious. Even without knowing Rohan inside and out the way that she does, she's certainly capable of reading between the lines and drawing a conclusion. The flowers, the gift, the interest in her life and her well-being. The dinner. The picking her up from work. The attention to Arnold and the sore-pawed cat. The gentle jealousy.
She'd known all of that, and she'd expected that what he had to say, that it would be...something. Something sweet, something warm. Maybe even something that would make her blush.
But even knowing that, she's not expecting the reality. She's not expecting a confession, not from Rohan of all people. Yet there it is, plain as day, simple and raw and...
And...
And he didn't hesitate, even for a second, in saying it.
That doesn't escape her notice, either.]
Rohan...
[It feels, for a moment, like she's teetering on the edge of a precipice, like she's going to topple over the edge of a realization and plummet into the chasm beneath it, and just like that the whole world has changed.
Her whole world has changed, in one instant. It's before and after, now. The world before Rohan said he loved her, and this new and uncharted one after.]
Y...You can't just...say something like that, and not expect — anything! Y-You...you really...
[She fumbles, and now the unshed tears from earlier come rushing back, spilling over and running down past the heat in her cheeks.]
[ He's not sure what it means, to be honest. Her tears, and he can't figure it out. He can't figure out if they're good or bad or if it means he made a mistake. No, it couldn't be a mistake. Though the passing thought that he had hurt her by admission came and went. Regardless as to the source of her tears, his chest tightens and it's hard to breathe for a moment.
Maybe this was normal? He didn't know. He's never much cared for people, so to go further and say he loved someone - or even more, enough to confess. It was impossible before this. Was it normal for someone to admit their feelings and get this sort of reaction? He has nothing to compare this to, and it wasn't among the many things he had asked.
He limited his questions to how to manage the feeling itself, rather than how to approach letting the other person know he had them. Maybe he should have asked about that. Rohan is just now realizing that despite the questions he had asked, they weren't necessarily the right ones.
But, he tries to pull himself from his thoughts quickly. He really doesn't want to leave her questioning that. ]
I mean it.
[ Simple. Straightforward. Rohan wouldn't have said something so - important like this that he didn't mean, of course. He means it with every bit of him that understands what it means to tell someone that he loves them. ]
I don't expect anything, though. I just thought -- [ He's not sure what he thought. ]
You should know.
[ That's the long and short of it, really. It was important that she knows. He wanted her to. He needed her to. And that was why he didn't have any expectations. He wants to reach out and pull her in close because there's a lingering fear creeping up that maybe he had hurt her with his admission. Instead, he steps in, hands gripping either of her cheeks and he looks at her. He has so many questions. So many things he doesn't understand. And he hopes. Hopes she'll help him understand it. ]
[She can't help but think, as he takes her face in his hands, of how far they've come even from the moment when they'd first reunited here in outer space. It's been so long, so much, since Rohan turned away from her on that sidewalk and admitted with his hands in fists that he was going to miss her when she left. Look how far Rohan has come, from a young man who couldn't even tolerate the gentlest of vulnerabilities to someone who's offered up his heart to her now, freely and seeking nothing in return.
I just thought you should know. He doesn't want a confession, isn't seeking reciprocation. He's not looking to gain from this. He just wanted her to know. He just wanted to make sure she knew he meant it.
And she's certain, in that moment, that Rohan isn't seeing his guardian angel when he looks at her, not like this. He looks at her and it makes her feel seen, and maybe that's the best gift he possibly could've offered her to begin with.
You've really grown up, Rohan-chan, is what comes to the tip of her tongue — but no. That isn't fair to him at all, is it? He's doing her the courtesy of seeing her only as herself. It'd be wrong of her to do anything less than the same.]
I wanted you to.
[He said he doesn't expect a reply, but she suspects there's another layer to that, beyond just being gentle with her. Rohan doesn't know what to do with a confession he actually wants to receive, she thinks, and so maybe he's hoping she'll spare him the burden of trying to figure it out for himself.
So she does. Of course she does. She'd do anything for him; this is nothing.]
To...to love me, I mean. When you were talking about those other girls, the ones from high school...I was so jealous, I hated it, because...because I don't mind if you love someone else, but I wanted you to love me most...
[She smiles at him, rueful and gently self-mocking, but there's a certain serenity in her expression nevertheless.]
That's pretty selfish, right? But I couldn't help it. I still can't.
[ Logically, he doesn't know what to feel. What is he supposed to feel when he hears that she wanted this? Wants him to love her. He doesn't need her to respond, to confess to anything because he understands her words and every piece of them. She's accepted what he feels, and he hasn't hurt her. He hasn't burdened her. He hasn't pulled her from his life. And now... now she knows. And he feels lighter. That's what his body and heart and mind settle on - lighter. It's relief, maybe. Maybe because he's not holding onto the feeling so tightly. Burying it deep inside because he doesn't know if it's okay. And he didn't really realize how badly he was drowning in it until he shared it.
Yeah, he didn't know what to expect. For all the pop culture that he takes in - he didn't know. And it's just another new experience. But he doesn't know if this is one he'd ever want to write about. He doesn't know that he can, anyway.
This one, this experience. It is only for him to share with her. He's quiet for awhile, though he doesn't move. He just looks at her.
Because he doesn't mind her being selfish. He considers that he may even like that she was jealous. That she was selfish about him. No one has been selfish about him before. Reimi is nothing like those girls, those people who wanted to be close because of his fame and popularity.
And he recalls words, words that Setsura had told him. To be selfish - for his sake and for her sake. And he echoes them, in a way, when he speaks. ]
It's okay to be selfish.
[ Obviously, when he says it - he means that he doesn't mind that she is. He's always been selfish. In his pursuits and with his work, he was selfish. He cared very little for other people's feelings. ]
But I don't even really like most other people.
[ So - she has zero competition. It's not exactly the smoothest thing to say right here, in this moment, but that's all he has, really. He's not good at this, and he's already laid his heart out for her, so he has nothing else right now. But, in one quick impulse he leans to kiss the top of her head because it seems right? Yeah. That seems right. ]
[It's probably not the smoothest response, either, but it's one that breaks the ice a little bit, making her laugh despite herself, and that's okay too. It feels like releasing a breath after holding it for a while without noticing, being able to just laugh and find that warmth between them again.
She reaches for one of his hands, drawing it away from her face just so that she can press her palm against his and lace their fingers together.]
Do you like it? That feeling...
[This is such an odd thing to ask, but she knows Rohan better than he knows himself in some ways, and it's only natural to cajole this from him.]
Being in love should make you feel good, and light. Does it?
[ It was difficult to describe. Which was, in part, what the manga was for. Not that he's sure it exactly captures any of that. It's fairly... sentimental and only for her. But it is a straightforward way of expressing something new for him. So it had helped him understand. There was hesitation for awhile after the realization. A consideration for keeping this buried and letting it die with him. But any mention of never saying it was meant with resistance. And to be honest, his stubborn nature usually wasn't impacted by how other's felt about him.
So he realized, he must know they're right at his core for it to actually sway him. His eyes drift towards where his fingers are laced with hers. He's not making any move to pull away or step back. Because even without the Chroma, he'd like this.
He didn't want Reimi to think that this was because of who she was at home. What she had done for him. It was - here and now. Because if she had thought that for a moment that was why he did, he wasn't sure he would be able to properly explain everything. ]
Though it -- [ He doesn't really talk like this - ever, so he considers it, runs the words through his head, so there's a longer pause than he likes. When he's talked so far - it's just been honest. So he opts to keep that up. ] always does feel like that around you.
[She closes her eyes, just focusing for a moment on how it feels to hold his hand, to have him so close. Something's changed, hasn't it? She's lost count by now of how many times they've woven their fingers together, but lately...
Lately it hasn't felt like he's been protecting her. It hasn't seemed like he felt compelled to take care of her. Lately it's been more innocent than that — more puppyish, almost, in the way he's wanted her attention just for the sake of it being hers.]
Actually...the truth is, I haven't thought about my memories of you from home in a long time. I haven't needed to...because I've been thinking about the you from here and now, instead.
[Maybe that's consolation. Comfort. She hopes it is.]
Pretty bold of an average girl like me to attract the attention of someone as famous as Rohan Kishibe the mangaka...but I guess I'm just pretty lucky, you know?
[ It's good. It is so good to hear and he holds onto those words. He sighs, releasing a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. It's easily audible. Comfort? He easily feels it. Sure, who they had been at home may have shaped who they are now - but it by no means controlled how he had felt. She'd been thinking about him, he notes. And - god he holds onto that information, too.
She closed her eyes, but he keeps his locked on her, watching. He doesn't want to look away. He doesn't want to move, he doesn't want this to change or stop or anything. A shame it'd have to at some point, really. ]
A bit lucky.
[ His tone is light and easy. And, he is sure to correct her - ]
Bold that you think you're average, though.
[ His tone has no implication that it's simply flattery or a compliment. It's simply fact to him. That simple. That straightforward. She's just not, and maybe he's biased, but he's certain others who have taken time with her would agree. He wants to offer her the same piece of assurance. ]
I haven't, either.
[ It's the best way to go, he's learned. Especially with this. Especially with her. This is the way that he wants it. Now and here. There's an easiness, too, that settles in his bones. And he's sure he could weave together the moments that led to this. The thread - step by step. The slow changes showing up in every moment.
And while he's sure that a couple of months ago he wouldn't have been ready. He wouldn't have had conversations and time to understand everything. He needed to be able to piece it together. He needed to see that there was no point in trying to connect with who he once was. To only exist here and now.
He leans, he would go as far as he needed to, his forehead pressed against hers. The words that follow are there to break the moment up. ]
As much as I don't want to move. The food won't be as good if it gets too cool.
[ He's glad for her attention. He's glad for her hand in his. He's glad to take any bit of it that she'll give him. And he'll ask for it when he wants it from time to time. It is how he always has been, and how he'll continue to be. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
→ DELIVERY
Come the morning of February 14th, there they sit, arranged neatly on a little plate and left on Rohan's drawing table, carefully out of reach of Arnold or the cat.]
text
Hey - I know it's not really traditional, but I have something for you, too.
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You got something for me?
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Don't stop for food or anything, too. I have that covered.
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Haha, I guess that's just the life of an entrepreneur, huh? Missing out a little on things like holidays because you're hosting them for other people?
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If you need help.
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It's really okay. It's busy, but not overwhelming. It's okay if you're not here; just looking forward to seeing you when I get home will be more than enough to get me through.
let's do the timeskip to action;
So. Rohan was mostly on his own. He'd use what he did know and apply it. He was able to do that. Be creative, right?
Reimi will come home to everything out and ready. He's busying himself around the kitchen making food. There's the same sort of intense focus that she'd see when he's doing anything else that he does. On the counter, there's a vase with flowers. He had talked, getting as much information as he could on the flowers from the girl there, and with his own information he'd gathered and hers - he put together something he liked. Next to it is a neatly wrapped gift (the manga, put together into a book - which is nothing short of what others may describe as a love letter - his research, questions, and revelations all there - after all, his asking questions had to be good for something).
The food he was preparing was udon and gyoza. Easy enough for him to put together. He had kept the toppings off to the side - meat, fish cakes, green onion. He had a recipe on his phone that he was meticulously following. Arnold was sitting just outside of the kitchen (perfectly behaved, and maybe a little distracted with a treat), while the Stinky Bastard Man (pending a better name, Rohan notes) was weaving around his feet. Rohan was mostly convinced the cat was trying to make him trip and fall. ]
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But he isn't. He's clearly in the kitchen cooking, and the whole apartment smells rich with dinner close to being done. Arnold is supervising attentively, which in and of itself is adorable, and she has her suspicions that the cat is likewise somewhere nearby, if only because he never much likes being far away from Rohan — sweet, clingy thing that he is.
Then she sees the flowers, and the whole world seems to tip a little bit sideways.
She'd told him that one time, hadn't she, when she'd been showing him her grandmother's necklace — she likes sentimental things, keepsake things, things with meaning behind them. It really doesn't get much more significant than flowers, does it? There's no purpose to them whatsoever, except to look beautiful and delight the person they're gifted to. There's no possible reason Rohan could've gotten them, except...
Ah. Except to make her happy.
She bites her lip, reaching up to rub lightly at her eyes as the weight of it all finally bears down on her. It'd been such a long, bustling, busy day of watching other people share romantic interludes, hosting couples wrapped up in each other to make their holiday special while she put her own on hold.
Rohan got her flowers.
Someone was thinking of her today, after all.]
Hey...I'm home...
[She rubs at her eyes again, still a little messy emotionally, but smiling a bit like an idiot.]
It smells really good in here...
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His mouth goes dry, his heart jumps into his throat, and he doesn't speak for a few moments. Everything he says is considered carefully before he speaks. He'll say what he would typically say, any day that he's home and she returns after day at work. Even though he's clearly made a slight show of it - given that he rarely cooks, and there's flowers that wouldn't be there otherwise. ]
Reimi-chan. It's almost done.
[ It keeps him from stumbling to just speak so simply. Of course he has thought of her today. It's not simply because her life was so neatly weaved into his own before they had arrived here, it was because it was now. And, Rohan's continued efforts allowed him to see things a little bit differently, about things that he never had much cared about - birthdays, Christmas, Valentine's Day (pretty much any holiday) - he went without celebrating on his own, especially as long as he had lived on his own. He rarely cared for, or even considered, another's feelings, but it mattered to him how she felt about this.
He's watching her for a moment - oh. ]
You can sit if you want.
[ It was along day, after all. She had told him how busy it was. And it isn't like it'd be hard for him to put together a bowl for her. He was mostly glad just to have her home, which sometimes was strange for him to think about - her staying here with him. For all of his years living alone, something about this was much better. It's not that he had ever been lonely before. And it's not as if he thought he'd be able to let anyone else into his home so easily.
But that was how he knew how much he cared about her - she was the exception, not the rule. ]
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[She toes off her shoes, leaving them by the door as she pads over to the table in her stocking feet and finds a place to sit down. It's immediately apparent how grateful she is to be off her feet, once she's seated; her whole body seems to deflate with a sigh, and even as she slumps down, her eyes begin to droop.]
You're really gonna wait on me, huh? Très bien, garçon!
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Don't get too used to it. [ He's trying to act like he totally wouldn't do it again. But, if she asked, he'd probably do this anytime, all the time. Up to and including the cooking. Which he didn't much do before getting here, and he still followed the recommendations of those more skilled than himself. That's a surprising revelation. He pauses in the middle of adding some toppings, and he shifts, grabbing the wrapped book and offering it to her. Maybe in a hope to let her know so there's no misconceptions for how he feels. Why he's doing this. Why he wants her to be happy.
And besides, the udon is too hot to eat right now, so they have a few moments. ]
Reimi-chan. Can I tell you something before we eat?
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So what, then? She better hear out Rohan first, and find out.]
Sure...you can tell me anything, you know that.
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As he does everything, he has to do it right. And, he knows he can't keep dodging this. And he knows it's okay to be a little selfish. And he is glad that he spoke about this with someone, but someone he trusted was even better. And, he gave himself a month to sort this out. That time was closing in on him. ]
It's important to me that you know.
[ Okay - ]
And know that I am only saying this because I want you to know, and that you don't have to say or do anything. I don't expect anything.
[ And, without hesitation. He adds. ]
But. [ He pauses, it's brief, and he speaks confidently. As if he is fully sure about these words. ]
I love you, Reimi-chan.
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The thing is, she's not oblivious. Even without knowing Rohan inside and out the way that she does, she's certainly capable of reading between the lines and drawing a conclusion. The flowers, the gift, the interest in her life and her well-being. The dinner. The picking her up from work. The attention to Arnold and the sore-pawed cat. The gentle jealousy.
She'd known all of that, and she'd expected that what he had to say, that it would be...something. Something sweet, something warm. Maybe even something that would make her blush.
But even knowing that, she's not expecting the reality. She's not expecting a confession, not from Rohan of all people. Yet there it is, plain as day, simple and raw and...
And...
And he didn't hesitate, even for a second, in saying it.
That doesn't escape her notice, either.]
Rohan...
[It feels, for a moment, like she's teetering on the edge of a precipice, like she's going to topple over the edge of a realization and plummet into the chasm beneath it, and just like that the whole world has changed.
Her whole world has changed, in one instant. It's before and after, now. The world before Rohan said he loved her, and this new and uncharted one after.]
Y...You can't just...say something like that, and not expect — anything! Y-You...you really...
[She fumbles, and now the unshed tears from earlier come rushing back, spilling over and running down past the heat in her cheeks.]
You really mean it, don't you...
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Maybe this was normal? He didn't know. He's never much cared for people, so to go further and say he loved someone - or even more, enough to confess. It was impossible before this. Was it normal for someone to admit their feelings and get this sort of reaction? He has nothing to compare this to, and it wasn't among the many things he had asked.
He limited his questions to how to manage the feeling itself, rather than how to approach letting the other person know he had them. Maybe he should have asked about that. Rohan is just now realizing that despite the questions he had asked, they weren't necessarily the right ones.
But, he tries to pull himself from his thoughts quickly. He really doesn't want to leave her questioning that. ]
I mean it.
[ Simple. Straightforward. Rohan wouldn't have said something so - important like this that he didn't mean, of course. He means it with every bit of him that understands what it means to tell someone that he loves them. ]
I don't expect anything, though. I just thought -- [ He's not sure what he thought. ]
You should know.
[ That's the long and short of it, really. It was important that she knows. He wanted her to. He needed her to. And that was why he didn't have any expectations. He wants to reach out and pull her in close because there's a lingering fear creeping up that maybe he had hurt her with his admission. Instead, he steps in, hands gripping either of her cheeks and he looks at her. He has so many questions. So many things he doesn't understand. And he hopes. Hopes she'll help him understand it. ]
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I just thought you should know. He doesn't want a confession, isn't seeking reciprocation. He's not looking to gain from this. He just wanted her to know. He just wanted to make sure she knew he meant it.
And she's certain, in that moment, that Rohan isn't seeing his guardian angel when he looks at her, not like this. He looks at her and it makes her feel seen, and maybe that's the best gift he possibly could've offered her to begin with.
You've really grown up, Rohan-chan, is what comes to the tip of her tongue — but no. That isn't fair to him at all, is it? He's doing her the courtesy of seeing her only as herself. It'd be wrong of her to do anything less than the same.]
I wanted you to.
[He said he doesn't expect a reply, but she suspects there's another layer to that, beyond just being gentle with her. Rohan doesn't know what to do with a confession he actually wants to receive, she thinks, and so maybe he's hoping she'll spare him the burden of trying to figure it out for himself.
So she does. Of course she does. She'd do anything for him; this is nothing.]
To...to love me, I mean. When you were talking about those other girls, the ones from high school...I was so jealous, I hated it, because...because I don't mind if you love someone else, but I wanted you to love me most...
[She smiles at him, rueful and gently self-mocking, but there's a certain serenity in her expression nevertheless.]
That's pretty selfish, right? But I couldn't help it. I still can't.
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Yeah, he didn't know what to expect. For all the pop culture that he takes in - he didn't know. And it's just another new experience. But he doesn't know if this is one he'd ever want to write about. He doesn't know that he can, anyway.
This one, this experience. It is only for him to share with her. He's quiet for awhile, though he doesn't move. He just looks at her.
Because he doesn't mind her being selfish. He considers that he may even like that she was jealous. That she was selfish about him. No one has been selfish about him before. Reimi is nothing like those girls, those people who wanted to be close because of his fame and popularity.
And he recalls words, words that Setsura had told him. To be selfish - for his sake and for her sake. And he echoes them, in a way, when he speaks. ]
It's okay to be selfish.
[ Obviously, when he says it - he means that he doesn't mind that she is. He's always been selfish. In his pursuits and with his work, he was selfish. He cared very little for other people's feelings. ]
But I don't even really like most other people.
[ So - she has zero competition. It's not exactly the smoothest thing to say right here, in this moment, but that's all he has, really. He's not good at this, and he's already laid his heart out for her, so he has nothing else right now. But, in one quick impulse he leans to kiss the top of her head because it seems right? Yeah. That seems right. ]
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[It's probably not the smoothest response, either, but it's one that breaks the ice a little bit, making her laugh despite herself, and that's okay too. It feels like releasing a breath after holding it for a while without noticing, being able to just laugh and find that warmth between them again.
She reaches for one of his hands, drawing it away from her face just so that she can press her palm against his and lace their fingers together.]
Do you like it? That feeling...
[This is such an odd thing to ask, but she knows Rohan better than he knows himself in some ways, and it's only natural to cajole this from him.]
Being in love should make you feel good, and light. Does it?
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[ It was difficult to describe. Which was, in part, what the manga was for. Not that he's sure it exactly captures any of that. It's fairly... sentimental and only for her. But it is a straightforward way of expressing something new for him. So it had helped him understand. There was hesitation for awhile after the realization. A consideration for keeping this buried and letting it die with him. But any mention of never saying it was meant with resistance. And to be honest, his stubborn nature usually wasn't impacted by how other's felt about him.
So he realized, he must know they're right at his core for it to actually sway him. His eyes drift towards where his fingers are laced with hers. He's not making any move to pull away or step back. Because even without the Chroma, he'd like this.
He didn't want Reimi to think that this was because of who she was at home. What she had done for him. It was - here and now. Because if she had thought that for a moment that was why he did, he wasn't sure he would be able to properly explain everything. ]
Though it -- [ He doesn't really talk like this - ever, so he considers it, runs the words through his head, so there's a longer pause than he likes. When he's talked so far - it's just been honest. So he opts to keep that up. ] always does feel like that around you.
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[She closes her eyes, just focusing for a moment on how it feels to hold his hand, to have him so close. Something's changed, hasn't it? She's lost count by now of how many times they've woven their fingers together, but lately...
Lately it hasn't felt like he's been protecting her. It hasn't seemed like he felt compelled to take care of her. Lately it's been more innocent than that — more puppyish, almost, in the way he's wanted her attention just for the sake of it being hers.]
Actually...the truth is, I haven't thought about my memories of you from home in a long time. I haven't needed to...because I've been thinking about the you from here and now, instead.
[Maybe that's consolation. Comfort. She hopes it is.]
Pretty bold of an average girl like me to attract the attention of someone as famous as Rohan Kishibe the mangaka...but I guess I'm just pretty lucky, you know?
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She closed her eyes, but he keeps his locked on her, watching. He doesn't want to look away. He doesn't want to move, he doesn't want this to change or stop or anything. A shame it'd have to at some point, really. ]
A bit lucky.
[ His tone is light and easy. And, he is sure to correct her - ]
Bold that you think you're average, though.
[ His tone has no implication that it's simply flattery or a compliment. It's simply fact to him. That simple. That straightforward. She's just not, and maybe he's biased, but he's certain others who have taken time with her would agree. He wants to offer her the same piece of assurance. ]
I haven't, either.
[ It's the best way to go, he's learned. Especially with this. Especially with her. This is the way that he wants it. Now and here. There's an easiness, too, that settles in his bones. And he's sure he could weave together the moments that led to this. The thread - step by step. The slow changes showing up in every moment.
And while he's sure that a couple of months ago he wouldn't have been ready. He wouldn't have had conversations and time to understand everything. He needed to be able to piece it together. He needed to see that there was no point in trying to connect with who he once was. To only exist here and now.
He leans, he would go as far as he needed to, his forehead pressed against hers. The words that follow are there to break the moment up. ]
As much as I don't want to move. The food won't be as good if it gets too cool.
[ He's glad for her attention. He's glad for her hand in his. He's glad to take any bit of it that she'll give him. And he'll ask for it when he wants it from time to time. It is how he always has been, and how he'll continue to be. ]