[She gets ready slowly and methodically, trying not to let her warring thoughts get the better of her, trying not to let her turmoil of emotions make her break and start to run. She'd been mostly ready to go out before she'd texted Rohan anyway, but now the excitement has dimmed, and even her pleasure at having splurged on a brand-new outfit to temporarily replace her pink dress and sandals isn't doing much to keep her mood afloat.
(He doesn't remember.)
She whistles to Arnold, who joins her faithfully at her side as she heads out and locks the door of her apartment behind her, and catches herself wondering vaguely just how Kira got into their house at all that night, was it through a window or did he break open the door or —
(He doesn't remember.)
She shakes it off, double-checking the lock before walking the healthy distance to Rohan's apartment, feeling for all the world like she's back in her alley, for how little she actually registers her surroundings until she arrives.
(He doesn't remember.)
But she makes it. A few people look oddly at her, one or two look like they might want to talk to her, but ultimately they all leave her alone, pheromones be damned.
She knocks lightly on the door and waits, fidgeting in sweater, skirt, tights, and boots, with Arnold whuffling softly at her side.]
[ He was feeling lighter this time, than he did during the last Cordis, at least for awhile. Maybe it was that he knew it was coming, what to expect for the most part. There's less surprises this go. But then, there's this. He didn't expect that he would be crossing this bridge tonight, but here he is, absolutely having this conversation.
He knew at some point he'd have to. Especially if she remembered him more than he did her, which was...well, at all. And clearly, she did. He thinks about every time he interacted with her before. And, well. It's weird. It's weird to think someone knows him and he doesn't know them. It's usually the opposite.
He hadn't even changed yet. He's still dressed fairly comfortably, pants modified to accommodate the orange tail, and the ears sprouting from his head. The food he has bought that can be out is sitting out, scattered all over his countertops in a mess, because - well, he's hungry. Always hungry.
He knows he eats way more than normal during this, and if Reimi is the same - he's prepared for it. He moves immediately to the door when she knocks, opening it.
It feels heavy.
It was weird, but not surprising. ]
Hey.
[ He's not sure what to say, so he steps aside so she can come in. ]
[She's not expecting, somehow, the ears and tail. The scattered food is one thing and she's not really surprised by the mess. But the fox traits that Cordis has given Rohan look off at first glance, even though the more she contemplates them, the harder and harder it gets to say that they look wrong. The fox appendages suit Rohan, somehow. People aren't supposed to half-change into animals, but as this transition goes, it's actually not that bad.]
...Hi.
[Her scent clings to her as she brushes past him, accepting the invitation into his apartment; the aroma is of citrus and spice, light and fresh without being cloying or overpowering. At her side, Arnold trots steadily along, sparing Rohan a long glance before bounding after Reimi to catch up.]
[ Rohan glances towards Arnold, then back to Reimi. He feels like he's being stared at, but maybe he's just paranoid because of everything that is going on right now. Or maybe he's just feeling awkward because of the ears and tails he has that aren't normally there. His tail whooshes in annoyance over the entire thing.
He notices her scent. That, that's the most obvious thing. It's not that it's bad, it's just he knows with that, she would have been bothered relentlessly tonight. He's glad he agreed to go with her. ]
You're Cordis too, huh?
[ And...Oh yeah, why she's here. ]
We probably should talk.
[ He looks uncomfortable. Clearly, apologizing or talking like this isn't exactly his forte. ]
Cordis...? Do you think so? I didn't change or anything...
[Almost absently, she touches her hair near the top of her head, as if feeling for a set of ears that aren't there. But the more she thinks about it, the more it starts to explain things she'd noticed but hadn't really thought very hard about before — Avdol had told her it was a bit like going through puberty again, and that does explain the restlessness and the mood swings, probably.
Or, well. Maybe she's just pretending it explains the mood swings, so she doesn't have to acknowledge the sadness for what it is — the realization that she's the only one who remembers so many of the recollections that are so important to her.]
...Are you gonna ask me to tell you about it? About that night. Someone told you...then they must've told you that you were in my house that night, too, right?
[ Rohan's smell is faint this time, not that he's noticed because he's not been out - but he would have definitely been bothered much less. But Reimi's is obvious to him, being unique to her.
His expression shifts to serious. ]
Yeah. I mean, I know I was there, but I don't know what happened, exactly. I don't know exactly what you did for me there. I can only imagine it without using my stand. So, what happened?
[He makes it sound so easy. So, what happened. Because...for Rohan, who doesn't remember, it's just another story, isn't it? Maybe he'll draw it. Maybe when he retells it, after hearing it, he'll make it into something better than what it is. He's used the life she bought him to tell stories — maybe theirs would sound better, coming from him instead of her.
But she's the only one who can tell it. And she's told it to him before, back when he and Koichi first stumbled across her alley, but stories take on vastly different characters just from the way that they're told, and this time, she's including all the parts that were left out in the last iteration.]
It wasn't unusual for your parents to ask me to watch you. We did it a lot, and it worked out for everybody. We were only a few houses down, so we could walk back and forth pretty easily. It was a quiet street, so my parents didn't mind me walking back by myself, even if it was late at night.
You didn't usually stay the night, though. That much was different. You were sort of sad, I think it must've bothered you that your parents had to leave on such short notice, and that they couldn't take you with them. I tried to cheer you up and make it fun...you were going to sleep in the den, on the pull-out couch, so we made a little fort out of the cushions so you'd feel better about it.
[Her scent is growing stronger now, involuntarily. It's as though it's spurred on by her turmoil of emotions, turning more lemony-acrid the more quietly upset she grows.]
Everything I told you and Koichi the day you found me...that all happened the way I told it. He killed Mom and Dad first, their bedroom was closer to the stairs. And I was the one he wanted, so — he just, it was just to make sure there wasn't anybody else to help me. So he could take his time with me.
[She bares her teeth, gnashing rage, and for a second her fury takes on an almost animal character before it fades.]
But when I saw what he did to Arnold, and when he said it — "I've already killed your parents" — he didn't mention you. And I just...I realized he didn't know about you. I was so afraid he'd find you, too.
So I ran downstairs. He was going slow, taking his time. Why wouldn't he? He didn't have any reason to hurry, not then. I think he thought I would try to run out the door, and that's why he didn't follow me into the den right away.
[What a close thing it was. Kira Yoshikage's oversight might well have meant the difference between Rohan's life and his death, and the very thought of it makes her shiver.]
I picked you up — you were asleep but you woke up when I grabbed you, and I put my hand over your mouth so you wouldn't cry. I think — I think you knew I was scared, but you didn't know why. But I couldn't...
[She shakes her head hard, looking away, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hand.]
It was August. Summer, so it was warm out, my mom had opened the window a little so that you would have some fresh air. I could hear him walking down the hall. I told you...I told you not to make a sound. Not to cry, not anything. I told you we had to be quiet, we were going to be so quiet. There were bushes beneath those windows, so I pushed you out first, and I was going to go too...
[She bites down on her lip, voice cracking. There are tears in her eyes, but she holds out, refusing to shed them, determined to finish.]
But then I heard him step on the old creaky floorboard, the one right outside the den, and I thought, if I followed you out, he'd catch both of us.
So I closed the window, instead. I tried to make him think I was fumbling with the latch, and couldn't get it open. So that he wouldn't think to look outside.
[ It's weird to hear it all. Exactly what happened, word for word straight from her. He didn't read it, he didn't experience it that he remembers. He doesn't know her beyond what he was told and meeting her in the alleyway and yet - she knows him. She's always known him all of this time. He wonders, in part, if that's why she knew that her request for help would get through to him. If that's why she knew he'd do it.
It makes him think about everything that had happened between himself and her. He's reviewing it in his mind after she tells him everything that he's needed to know. He's silent for a long time. Probably longer than he's ever been before.
He wishes, desperately, that he could remember. Maybe it would have helped them at home if he did. He's not sure why the memory didn't stick with him. Was it because he was so small? Was it because he had cared for her so much that the thought of her getting murdered couldn't stick around? Maybe if he had, then he wouldn't have moved on.
Maybe he had to forget about it in order to do what he needed.
But, he's glad to know now. He feels relieved that even if he doesn't remember - he knows. But, one thing is very clear: ]
You died to save me.
[ Because who knows what would have happened had she gotten outside. If they had run. Maybe she could have lived? He doesn't know. All he knows is that her being there helped them beat Kira. So her death wasn't meaningless. At least there's that. Does it help? He doesn't know, he's processing it. He knew they were close, he knew how she died. But the story coming from her had so much more merit than from anyone else telling him. It was her experience. ]
Do you --
[ He doesn't know what to say. Weird. He'd usually act up or protest or do something when things get too serious. But... even he knows that would be wrong. He turns his head and doesn't look at her too closely when he pulls her into a hug. Even if he was a little reluctant - maybe the moon was helping him? He didn't know. But since he didn't know what to say, that's what he did. ]
[She lets it all out, and when she's done she discovers that she can't even really remember why it was so important to her that he remember, too. It seems silly, almost, in retrospect. Why would she want that? All things considered, it was probably for the best that he couldn't recall a bit of that night. And if it meant forgetting her entirely, even the time they'd spent together before her life came to an end that summer in 1983, then really, that should've been a small price to pay.
It's not until he hugs her that she manages to figure out what it was. Why it'd hurt, when it shouldn't have hurt. Why she'd subconsciously staked so much on the hope of him sharing those memories.]
D-Do I what...?
[He's warm, and it feels safe to be close to him, and what she told Abbacchio once still rings entirely true: Rohan really is the most important person left in the world for her. He's the only one left, and his life is the testament to her sacrifice.
Of course it hurts to think that she doesn't have a place in his memories. It's just one more way she'd been left lonely. One more thing Kira's knife took away from her.]
[ It feels nice to hug her. Probably because it's really long overdue. More that than the fact that it is giving him Chroma, which he seems to need moreso during Cordis than any other time. He seems to relax for a moment right there. He doesn't pull away, it would be easy to.
But, it's nice.
Like - he knows damn well that he won't let it happen again here. Any worries about Kira tell him that there's not going to be a repeat. ]
Do you want to sit down? Or need any food?
[ He got offered food during his first time dealing with Cordis, and well, she's at least important enough that he's willing to share with her, while he probably wouldn't with most others. ]
[What she really wants to say is, she doesn't want him to stop holding her. Rohan is always so hard to get close to, always prickly like a hedgehog to anyone who even tries; she knows full well that she herself gets closer than anyone save maybe Koichi, and even she still winds up at arm's length more often than not, when it comes to Rohan's impulses.
So to finally be close to him like this, it's not something she wants to give up. The Chroma it generates feels incredible in its own right, placating her starving Cordis sensibilities, but even that comes secondary to her own dormant feelings. Even without the Chroma, she would want to stay like this.
(When did he get so tall? Just a minute ago she was talking about carrying him, and now look at them. He's tall, and lanky, but strong. And for all that he can be a handful, deep down he's still the same Rohan that he was back then.)
She closes her eyes, pressing her cheek against his chest, and tries her best to think about nothing at all, just for a little while.]
U-Um.
[Despite herself, her stomach rumbles. Thanks, Cordis.]
I...guess I am sort of hungry...
[That's an understatement, but she doesn't want to impose.]
[ It's weird to admit to himself that he doesn't mind this. Maybe he would admit that he even liked this. It was the combination of the fact that he was getting Chroma, and that he wasn't sure what else he should do kept him there. What else could he do? It wasn't like he could change anything. He had been so good at keeping people at a distance for so long. There was no practical experience when dealing with others like this. It was just how he had learned from watching and reading about people. ]
Thought maybe so. I eat way more during Cordis, so you probably will, too.
[ He didn't seem to mind. He had invited her over, after all. He steps away from her. Maybe some food would help. It was something he could do. It was something easy. He had a bit of... well, everything when it came to food. Snack food from chips to pretzels. Quick and easy things that he could indulge in so he could proceed back to work. Not that he got much work done anyway. There wasn't much in the way of things that could be considered healthy. ]
[She frowns a little, watching him step away and see about gathering up the snacks he has scattered around the apartment. It's impossible not to notice that he hasn't actually said anything about her story, about his lack of memories, anything. Just a remark, a summation of what she'd said, and then he'd changed the subject to something else.
At first, it hurts a little. There's no helping that; she's too accustomed to Rohan's brush-offs, so it's only natural that her first inclination would be to assume this is just another one of them.
It's not until she watches him, really watches him, really listens to what he says and how he says it and thinks about why it's so strange that he's acting like this, that it starts to dawn on her.
He's not being mean. He's being awkward.
And really, she reflects, he's probably got a right to be. He keeps talking about how he probably ruined her night, but all things considered, she's probably just made a mess of his right back.]
Thanks...hey, none of this is really good for you, you know.
[But she finds some pretzels and takes them with her to a chair, dropping into it as she starts to chew. They're dry and salty, but that's okay. It's not like she's really up for a big three-course meal or something in a mood like this, anyway.]
...Hey, Rohan?
[She keeps her eyes on the pretzels, surreptitiously.]
Um. Sometime, when you're not too busy with other stuff...do you think maybe you could draw a picture of me?
[ He's trying to process it. And, while he's glad to be alive. He wonders, really, if there was a way to save her. It's silly to think he could have done something. He was small - only four - when she died. A child. Still, he can't help his imagination coming up with every scenario in which Reimi lives. One in which he grew up watching her. When he looked up to her. One in which Kira just never got to do what he did.
He scoops up a bag of cookies and potato chips, propping himself to lean against the chair she chose. Staying close, still. He shrugs. ]
It's not supposed to be good for me. It's supposed to be easy.
[ At her question, he looks up. ]
Yes, I can. I have a couple at home, but they didn't get to come with me.
[ Hm... Hm. He ponders. But, he almost has to ask. Maybe this will help him deal with it. If he hears her answer this one question he has on his mind. ]
[She stuffs some pretzels into her mouth, buying herself time to chew and crunch before she has to answer him. It's hard not to have a retort right on the tip of her tongue — you shouldn't ignore things that are good for you just because they're hard — but no, that's a conversation for another time. There's already a lot weighing down this one.]
I guess you don't remember, but...you used to draw me a lot. Most of your drawings ended up on the fridge in your house, but sometimes you'd make me take one home and promise to keep it. I just thought it'd be funny, to see how much you've improved since then.
[What weak humor it is, but it's there. He's a professional mangaka now, and she's talking about seeing improvement from crayon sketches made of wobbly lines. Ridiculous.
But then it turns out her hunch was right, after all. He wasn't brushing her off; he'd just been caught up in thinking about what she'd told him. He comes back around to the story eventually, in the end.]
No. I don't regret it.
[Her voice is soft, but it's not weak in the slightest.]
[ Listen you try to draw manga at your regular rate and eat every hour on the hour in order to not feel starved. He gave up really fast at the idea of trying to prepare anything when he found that there wasn't even time to attempt art. Not that he gets a lot done anyway. He's constantly distracted by his desire to cause trouble. ]
Reimi...that was sixteen ears ago. I either improved or chose the wrong job.
[ Look, he can joke, too. He needs to while he considers her answer to his question. Because it is awful that she died. It's awful that she died and he was saved. And yet, if she hadn't - they probably would have gotten way more difficult to get him. Her being where she was helped ensure Kira's end. That simple. ]
...Good.
[ It's all he has in response to that, though. It's good she doesn't regret doing it. ]
I mean, I wouldn't want you to regret it.
[ But he needed to know for sure. And he trusted her to be honest. ]
Take as much as you want of the food.
[ He'll just - well, probably hug her to regain any Chroma he needs. That seems to work, after all! ]
I used to walk out to Owson's, you know, to read the papers in the headlines and see if anybody had caught the person who killed me. They never did, but after a while I started seeing your name on the covers of manga volumes. I always wished I could read them, but — I mean, I couldn't ever get my hands on one, obviously.
[She's starting to stack up pretzels into little columns on the tabletop now, five high each, with another bridging the space between every two of them. It's a miniature pretzel Stonehenge.]
It made me really happy, you know. When I heard Koichi call you Rohan-sensei. Not just because you'd gone on and did something great with your life, but because you were the one who finally found me and listened.
[She pokes at one of the pretzel towers, sending it crashing to the tabletop.]
You're the most important person in the world to me. You know that, don't you?
[ He's watching her build with the pretzels as he shoves a couple of chips into his mouth. It's easier for a moment to not look her in the eye when she peaks. To focus on whatever she's creating so he didn't have to watch. After a moment, though, he looks up. He knows it's rude. He doesn't want her to think he's not listening. Because he is - he's listening to every single word she says.
Because they're bits and pieces of someone that he should know better than he does now.
And then - she says it. How important he is. He, again, doesn't know what to say. So, he tries.
He tries by imagining Koichi there in the back of his head telling him to just say the thing he wants to say. ]
[Another pretzel stack falls, this time by mistake, as a startle of her hand knocks into it and causes the individual pretzels to shift out of alignment just far enough to send them cascading onto the table. She knows full well that it's not like Rohan to own up to things like this; she halfway wonders if Cordis isn't having something to do with it, or if this is motivation all his own.
He's really trying hard for her, she realizes. He's not good at it, but he's trying. He didn't even try this hard when he thought she was leaving for heaven, but maybe — maybe that's because of the way she left.
Rohan writes stories. Of course he'd know intuitively how a story is supposed to go, and what should be said when, and what should be left out. She was leaving; maybe that's why he only said things that fit with letting her go. What if this is what he'd said then, instead — you're important instead of I'll miss you? Wouldn't it have hurt more to leave, then, because she might've wanted to stay?
Being here really is a second chance, for her. It's not just another chapter. It's a whole new book entirely.]
...Maybe we can make up for the things you don't remember. You can't get those memories back, but...we could make new ones.
[She offers it up tentatively. It's a bold thing to say, but at this point, one of them has to be.]
I'd like to read your manga, too. Mm, but then you'll have to hear all of my opinions on it! I should warn you, I can be pretty tough...
[ He looks like, at the very least, that he is considering. He might even look like he's going to tell her know for just a few moments? He turns away, but he's really considering what he's going to say to her. Only because he really wants to make new memories with her. It's weird to want something like this. Maybe it'll help him fill in the blanks.
Maybe it'll make things worse.
He doesn't know. And it's not like he knows the future, either.
He sighs, deeply. As if it took a lot of consideration to answer her (it didn't, of course). ]
Well, this place has to be good for something. It might as well be this.
[ This, though, comes easily. ]
Ah, a critic. Well, I guess I was bound to find one here, huh. That's alright, I can take it.
[He turns away, and for a second she thinks, that was too much. Maybe it was too much. Maybe she pushed too much, demanded too much. He's not a little kid anymore. He's older than her, even. It leaves her wondering how this would go, if they were any two other people, instead of themselves. How would this go, if he were just a guy, and she were just a girl, and she hadn't pushed him out of a window on a warm August night and then died at the hand of a killer's knife and waited around fifteen years to see him brought to justice?
(He doesn't remember any of it, and for as much as it hurts, there's one second when she thinks to herself that it's better that he doesn't, because her mind fills in the blanks with something that might have been — if he'd asked his parents after, where's Reimi, why doesn't she want to play with me anymore, and four years old is far too young to have to be confronted with a truth like that.)
But then he sighs, and the sound jostles her out of her preoccupying thoughts, and it turns out it wasn't too much, after all.
She adopts a carefree tone, lighter than she really feels, but determined to make this easier on him, when she's already asked so much already.]
Hmm, maybe you'll just have to think of it as research. I think I'd make a pretty good manga protagonist, don't you? The thrilling adventures of a ghost girl in outer space! I bet there's tons of stuff you could do with that.
[ He considers her answer. And he grins. It's the sort of smile she's used to, a little smug. But it's clear that he's doing the best he can with what he's been given. For now, the only way he knows how to deal with it is to get on with his life and pretend it's totally normal.
Like it's normal for your babysitter to die saving you when you're four years old and meet her later as a ghost. After you've forgotten her.
It sounds like something out of a work of fiction. Something he would imagine being on the bookshelves next to his own work. And yet, here it was - it was real life. So, getting to make new memories appealed to him. No guilt about trying to figure out what had happened before. He taps a finger against his chin. ]
That sounds pretty unrealistic, I think.
[ Ah, yes. But most of what happened to him since going back to Morioh was pretty fantastical. ]
But you would be a pretty interesting character. I think my fans would like you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I was probably too young, and it was too bad, and I forgot all about it.
Hey, I wouldn't offer this to anybody, but do you want to come over? Or I can come over.
[ He feels like...he might have ruined her night. ]
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Yeah. I'll come over. I think the walk is what I need right now.
I'll bring Arnold. You don't have to worry or anything, he won't let anything happen to me.
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(He doesn't remember.)
She whistles to Arnold, who joins her faithfully at her side as she heads out and locks the door of her apartment behind her, and catches herself wondering vaguely just how Kira got into their house at all that night, was it through a window or did he break open the door or —
(He doesn't remember.)
She shakes it off, double-checking the lock before walking the healthy distance to Rohan's apartment, feeling for all the world like she's back in her alley, for how little she actually registers her surroundings until she arrives.
(He doesn't remember.)
But she makes it. A few people look oddly at her, one or two look like they might want to talk to her, but ultimately they all leave her alone, pheromones be damned.
She knocks lightly on the door and waits, fidgeting in sweater, skirt, tights, and boots, with Arnold whuffling softly at her side.]
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He knew at some point he'd have to. Especially if she remembered him more than he did her, which was...well, at all. And clearly, she did. He thinks about every time he interacted with her before. And, well. It's weird. It's weird to think someone knows him and he doesn't know them. It's usually the opposite.
He hadn't even changed yet. He's still dressed fairly comfortably, pants modified to accommodate the orange tail, and the ears sprouting from his head. The food he has bought that can be out is sitting out, scattered all over his countertops in a mess, because - well, he's hungry. Always hungry.
He knows he eats way more than normal during this, and if Reimi is the same - he's prepared for it. He moves immediately to the door when she knocks, opening it.
It feels heavy.
It was weird, but not surprising. ]
Hey.
[ He's not sure what to say, so he steps aside so she can come in. ]
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...Hi.
[Her scent clings to her as she brushes past him, accepting the invitation into his apartment; the aroma is of citrus and spice, light and fresh without being cloying or overpowering. At her side, Arnold trots steadily along, sparing Rohan a long glance before bounding after Reimi to catch up.]
S-So...um. I guess...we're going to talk? Or...
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He notices her scent. That, that's the most obvious thing. It's not that it's bad, it's just he knows with that, she would have been bothered relentlessly tonight. He's glad he agreed to go with her. ]
You're Cordis too, huh?
[ And...Oh yeah, why she's here. ]
We probably should talk.
[ He looks uncomfortable. Clearly, apologizing or talking like this isn't exactly his forte. ]
I didn't mean to ruin your night like that.
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[Almost absently, she touches her hair near the top of her head, as if feeling for a set of ears that aren't there. But the more she thinks about it, the more it starts to explain things she'd noticed but hadn't really thought very hard about before — Avdol had told her it was a bit like going through puberty again, and that does explain the restlessness and the mood swings, probably.
Or, well. Maybe she's just pretending it explains the mood swings, so she doesn't have to acknowledge the sadness for what it is — the realization that she's the only one who remembers so many of the recollections that are so important to her.]
...Are you gonna ask me to tell you about it? About that night. Someone told you...then they must've told you that you were in my house that night, too, right?
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[ Rohan's smell is faint this time, not that he's noticed because he's not been out - but he would have definitely been bothered much less. But Reimi's is obvious to him, being unique to her.
His expression shifts to serious. ]
Yeah. I mean, I know I was there, but I don't know what happened, exactly. I don't know exactly what you did for me there. I can only imagine it without using my stand. So, what happened?
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But she's the only one who can tell it. And she's told it to him before, back when he and Koichi first stumbled across her alley, but stories take on vastly different characters just from the way that they're told, and this time, she's including all the parts that were left out in the last iteration.]
It wasn't unusual for your parents to ask me to watch you. We did it a lot, and it worked out for everybody. We were only a few houses down, so we could walk back and forth pretty easily. It was a quiet street, so my parents didn't mind me walking back by myself, even if it was late at night.
You didn't usually stay the night, though. That much was different. You were sort of sad, I think it must've bothered you that your parents had to leave on such short notice, and that they couldn't take you with them. I tried to cheer you up and make it fun...you were going to sleep in the den, on the pull-out couch, so we made a little fort out of the cushions so you'd feel better about it.
[Her scent is growing stronger now, involuntarily. It's as though it's spurred on by her turmoil of emotions, turning more lemony-acrid the more quietly upset she grows.]
Everything I told you and Koichi the day you found me...that all happened the way I told it. He killed Mom and Dad first, their bedroom was closer to the stairs. And I was the one he wanted, so — he just, it was just to make sure there wasn't anybody else to help me. So he could take his time with me.
[She bares her teeth, gnashing rage, and for a second her fury takes on an almost animal character before it fades.]
But when I saw what he did to Arnold, and when he said it — "I've already killed your parents" — he didn't mention you. And I just...I realized he didn't know about you. I was so afraid he'd find you, too.
So I ran downstairs. He was going slow, taking his time. Why wouldn't he? He didn't have any reason to hurry, not then. I think he thought I would try to run out the door, and that's why he didn't follow me into the den right away.
[What a close thing it was. Kira Yoshikage's oversight might well have meant the difference between Rohan's life and his death, and the very thought of it makes her shiver.]
I picked you up — you were asleep but you woke up when I grabbed you, and I put my hand over your mouth so you wouldn't cry. I think — I think you knew I was scared, but you didn't know why. But I couldn't...
[She shakes her head hard, looking away, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hand.]
It was August. Summer, so it was warm out, my mom had opened the window a little so that you would have some fresh air. I could hear him walking down the hall. I told you...I told you not to make a sound. Not to cry, not anything. I told you we had to be quiet, we were going to be so quiet. There were bushes beneath those windows, so I pushed you out first, and I was going to go too...
[She bites down on her lip, voice cracking. There are tears in her eyes, but she holds out, refusing to shed them, determined to finish.]
But then I heard him step on the old creaky floorboard, the one right outside the den, and I thought, if I followed you out, he'd catch both of us.
So I closed the window, instead. I tried to make him think I was fumbling with the latch, and couldn't get it open. So that he wouldn't think to look outside.
[Into the bushes. Where you were.]
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It makes him think about everything that had happened between himself and her. He's reviewing it in his mind after she tells him everything that he's needed to know. He's silent for a long time. Probably longer than he's ever been before.
He wishes, desperately, that he could remember. Maybe it would have helped them at home if he did. He's not sure why the memory didn't stick with him. Was it because he was so small? Was it because he had cared for her so much that the thought of her getting murdered couldn't stick around? Maybe if he had, then he wouldn't have moved on.
Maybe he had to forget about it in order to do what he needed.
But, he's glad to know now. He feels relieved that even if he doesn't remember - he knows. But, one thing is very clear: ]
You died to save me.
[ Because who knows what would have happened had she gotten outside. If they had run. Maybe she could have lived? He doesn't know. All he knows is that her being there helped them beat Kira. So her death wasn't meaningless. At least there's that. Does it help? He doesn't know, he's processing it. He knew they were close, he knew how she died.
But the story coming from her had so much more merit than from anyone else telling him. It was her experience. ]
Do you --
[ He doesn't know what to say. Weird. He'd usually act up or protest or do something when things get too serious. But... even he knows that would be wrong. He turns his head and doesn't look at her too closely when he pulls her into a hug. Even if he was a little reluctant - maybe the moon was helping him? He didn't know. But since he didn't know what to say, that's what he did. ]
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It's not until he hugs her that she manages to figure out what it was. Why it'd hurt, when it shouldn't have hurt. Why she'd subconsciously staked so much on the hope of him sharing those memories.]
D-Do I what...?
[He's warm, and it feels safe to be close to him, and what she told Abbacchio once still rings entirely true: Rohan really is the most important person left in the world for her. He's the only one left, and his life is the testament to her sacrifice.
Of course it hurts to think that she doesn't have a place in his memories. It's just one more way she'd been left lonely. One more thing Kira's knife took away from her.]
Rohan...
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But, it's nice.
Like - he knows damn well that he won't let it happen again here. Any worries about Kira tell him that there's not going to be a repeat. ]
Do you want to sit down? Or need any food?
[ He got offered food during his first time dealing with Cordis, and well, she's at least important enough that he's willing to share with her, while he probably wouldn't with most others. ]
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So to finally be close to him like this, it's not something she wants to give up. The Chroma it generates feels incredible in its own right, placating her starving Cordis sensibilities, but even that comes secondary to her own dormant feelings. Even without the Chroma, she would want to stay like this.
(When did he get so tall? Just a minute ago she was talking about carrying him, and now look at them. He's tall, and lanky, but strong. And for all that he can be a handful, deep down he's still the same Rohan that he was back then.)
She closes her eyes, pressing her cheek against his chest, and tries her best to think about nothing at all, just for a little while.]
U-Um.
[Despite herself, her stomach rumbles. Thanks, Cordis.]
I...guess I am sort of hungry...
[That's an understatement, but she doesn't want to impose.]
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Thought maybe so. I eat way more during Cordis, so you probably will, too.
[ He didn't seem to mind. He had invited her over, after all. He steps away from her. Maybe some food would help. It was something he could do. It was something easy. He had a bit of... well, everything when it came to food. Snack food from chips to pretzels. Quick and easy things that he could indulge in so he could proceed back to work. Not that he got much work done anyway. There wasn't much in the way of things that could be considered healthy. ]
You can have whatever sounds good.
[ Because everything sounded good to him. ]
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At first, it hurts a little. There's no helping that; she's too accustomed to Rohan's brush-offs, so it's only natural that her first inclination would be to assume this is just another one of them.
It's not until she watches him, really watches him, really listens to what he says and how he says it and thinks about why it's so strange that he's acting like this, that it starts to dawn on her.
He's not being mean. He's being awkward.
And really, she reflects, he's probably got a right to be. He keeps talking about how he probably ruined her night, but all things considered, she's probably just made a mess of his right back.]
Thanks...hey, none of this is really good for you, you know.
[But she finds some pretzels and takes them with her to a chair, dropping into it as she starts to chew. They're dry and salty, but that's okay. It's not like she's really up for a big three-course meal or something in a mood like this, anyway.]
...Hey, Rohan?
[She keeps her eyes on the pretzels, surreptitiously.]
Um. Sometime, when you're not too busy with other stuff...do you think maybe you could draw a picture of me?
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He scoops up a bag of cookies and potato chips, propping himself to lean against the chair she chose. Staying close, still. He shrugs. ]
It's not supposed to be good for me. It's supposed to be easy.
[ At her question, he looks up. ]
Yes, I can. I have a couple at home, but they didn't get to come with me.
[ Hm... Hm. He ponders. But, he almost has to ask. Maybe this will help him deal with it. If he hears her answer this one question he has on his mind. ]
Do you regret doing what you did?
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I guess you don't remember, but...you used to draw me a lot. Most of your drawings ended up on the fridge in your house, but sometimes you'd make me take one home and promise to keep it. I just thought it'd be funny, to see how much you've improved since then.
[What weak humor it is, but it's there. He's a professional mangaka now, and she's talking about seeing improvement from crayon sketches made of wobbly lines. Ridiculous.
But then it turns out her hunch was right, after all. He wasn't brushing her off; he'd just been caught up in thinking about what she'd told him. He comes back around to the story eventually, in the end.]
No. I don't regret it.
[Her voice is soft, but it's not weak in the slightest.]
I'd do it again, every time.
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Reimi...that was sixteen ears ago. I either improved or chose the wrong job.
[ Look, he can joke, too. He needs to while he considers her answer to his question. Because it is awful that she died. It's awful that she died and he was saved. And yet, if she hadn't - they probably would have gotten way more difficult to get him. Her being where she was helped ensure Kira's end. That simple. ]
...Good.
[ It's all he has in response to that, though. It's good she doesn't regret doing it. ]
I mean, I wouldn't want you to regret it.
[ But he needed to know for sure. And he trusted her to be honest. ]
Take as much as you want of the food.
[ He'll just - well, probably hug her to regain any Chroma he needs. That seems to work, after all! ]
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[She's starting to stack up pretzels into little columns on the tabletop now, five high each, with another bridging the space between every two of them. It's a miniature pretzel Stonehenge.]
It made me really happy, you know. When I heard Koichi call you Rohan-sensei. Not just because you'd gone on and did something great with your life, but because you were the one who finally found me and listened.
[She pokes at one of the pretzel towers, sending it crashing to the tabletop.]
You're the most important person in the world to me. You know that, don't you?
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Because they're bits and pieces of someone that he should know better than he does now.
And then - she says it. How important he is. He, again, doesn't know what to say. So, he tries.
He tries by imagining Koichi there in the back of his head telling him to just say the thing he wants to say. ]
Hey. You're --
[ Ugh. ]
Important to me, too.
[ Eyes shift to look away. ]
And I might be able to get a copy of my manga.
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He's really trying hard for her, she realizes. He's not good at it, but he's trying. He didn't even try this hard when he thought she was leaving for heaven, but maybe — maybe that's because of the way she left.
Rohan writes stories. Of course he'd know intuitively how a story is supposed to go, and what should be said when, and what should be left out. She was leaving; maybe that's why he only said things that fit with letting her go. What if this is what he'd said then, instead — you're important instead of I'll miss you? Wouldn't it have hurt more to leave, then, because she might've wanted to stay?
Being here really is a second chance, for her. It's not just another chapter. It's a whole new book entirely.]
...Maybe we can make up for the things you don't remember. You can't get those memories back, but...we could make new ones.
[She offers it up tentatively. It's a bold thing to say, but at this point, one of them has to be.]
I'd like to read your manga, too. Mm, but then you'll have to hear all of my opinions on it! I should warn you, I can be pretty tough...
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Maybe it'll make things worse.
He doesn't know. And it's not like he knows the future, either.
He sighs, deeply. As if it took a lot of consideration to answer her (it didn't, of course). ]
Well, this place has to be good for something. It might as well be this.
[ This, though, comes easily. ]
Ah, a critic. Well, I guess I was bound to find one here, huh. That's alright, I can take it.
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(He doesn't remember any of it, and for as much as it hurts, there's one second when she thinks to herself that it's better that he doesn't, because her mind fills in the blanks with something that might have been — if he'd asked his parents after, where's Reimi, why doesn't she want to play with me anymore, and four years old is far too young to have to be confronted with a truth like that.)
But then he sighs, and the sound jostles her out of her preoccupying thoughts, and it turns out it wasn't too much, after all.
She adopts a carefree tone, lighter than she really feels, but determined to make this easier on him, when she's already asked so much already.]
Hmm, maybe you'll just have to think of it as research. I think I'd make a pretty good manga protagonist, don't you? The thrilling adventures of a ghost girl in outer space! I bet there's tons of stuff you could do with that.
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Like it's normal for your babysitter to die saving you when you're four years old and meet her later as a ghost. After you've forgotten her.
It sounds like something out of a work of fiction. Something he would imagine being on the bookshelves next to his own work. And yet, here it was - it was real life. So, getting to make new memories appealed to him. No guilt about trying to figure out what had happened before. He taps a finger against his chin. ]
That sounds pretty unrealistic, I think.
[ Ah, yes. But most of what happened to him since going back to Morioh was pretty fantastical. ]
But you would be a pretty interesting character. I think my fans would like you.
[ Yeah. They would, he was sure of it. ]
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