...I...I was afraid you might — oh, um, what's that word. Mess up...
[She thinks a minute, absently leaning into the hand on her cheek, before recognition sparks in her half-closed eyes.]
Tarnish, that's it. I was afraid it'd tarnish your — the way you see me. You guys all said such nice things about me, that I was special and wonderful and like an angel. That wouldn't really have been a good time to tell you all how good it felt to listen to him get ripped apart, would it?
[She laughs softly. There isn't a lot of humor in it.]
Imagine how Koichi-kun would've looked at me. But you're not supposed to say bad things at a funeral, right? So you shouldn't say bad things on your way to heaven, either, I guess. Let people remember you in a nice way.
But you'll love me no matter what, won't you? So...maybe I don't have to hide it so much, after all.
[ He's listening quietly because it's... interesting to hear this from her. Hear these truths that she's never said to him. These things she's kept close to herself and is finally sharing with him. It makes him feel... special. He figured she trusted him, but this is different. A different sort of trust one can only get through work and the bond that they've built.
This bond isn't built on that pedestal. If it were, it'd be shaky and unreliable. He'd never be able to fully be confident and sure that they're starting in the same place. She's been standing on solid ground with him, where there's space to shift and change. There's opportunity to grow and improve. There's nowhere to go if you're already the best version of yourself in someone's eyes. Not that he wants her to lose this part of herself. That's the last thing he wants. It's always been there, after all. But - now he knows it does.
He prefers it. He prefers imperfections because they make people (not characters, he notes) interesting. ]
I guess so. Koichi-kun wouldn't have approved, but he can surprise us. It would have been an interesting note to leave on.
[ There's that moment where his chest is tight because leaving. This year has made it hard for him to imagine life without her. That chance to have her here with him, have this night together. A shared anniversary, a link in their past. He wouldn't have anticipated they'd be here. Her head on his leg, his attention shifted to her. A rare time where he's happier because of the contact. He seems to be thinking before he answers. ]
Of course I would. I already decided that. [ And that was that with him. ]
I like knowing things, so you don't have to hide anything. Do you know how hard it is to change my mind? I think it might be harder to change how I feel.
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no subject
[She thinks a minute, absently leaning into the hand on her cheek, before recognition sparks in her half-closed eyes.]
Tarnish, that's it. I was afraid it'd tarnish your — the way you see me. You guys all said such nice things about me, that I was special and wonderful and like an angel. That wouldn't really have been a good time to tell you all how good it felt to listen to him get ripped apart, would it?
[She laughs softly. There isn't a lot of humor in it.]
Imagine how Koichi-kun would've looked at me. But you're not supposed to say bad things at a funeral, right? So you shouldn't say bad things on your way to heaven, either, I guess. Let people remember you in a nice way.
But you'll love me no matter what, won't you? So...maybe I don't have to hide it so much, after all.
no subject
This bond isn't built on that pedestal. If it were, it'd be shaky and unreliable. He'd never be able to fully be confident and sure that they're starting in the same place. She's been standing on solid ground with him, where there's space to shift and change. There's opportunity to grow and improve. There's nowhere to go if you're already the best version of yourself in someone's eyes. Not that he wants her to lose this part of herself. That's the last thing he wants. It's always been there, after all. But - now he knows it does.
He prefers it. He prefers imperfections because they make people (not characters, he notes) interesting. ]
I guess so. Koichi-kun wouldn't have approved, but he can surprise us. It would have been an interesting note to leave on.
[ There's that moment where his chest is tight because leaving. This year has made it hard for him to imagine life without her. That chance to have her here with him, have this night together. A shared anniversary, a link in their past. He wouldn't have anticipated they'd be here. Her head on his leg, his attention shifted to her. A rare time where he's happier because of the contact. He seems to be thinking before he answers. ]
Of course I would. I already decided that. [ And that was that with him. ]
I like knowing things, so you don't have to hide anything. Do you know how hard it is to change my mind? I think it might be harder to change how I feel.
[ impossible ]